Friday, May 11, 2012 here is another story about growing up Mennonite.....
In my junior high biology class some of the students managed to get the (Mennonite) teacher off the lesson at hand, and discuss what he would do if his home was invaded by a rapist/killer/ get the picture.
The students knew that this would prove to be too tantalizing for Mr. You-Might-Know-Who, and that he would predictably feel obligated to set a good Christian stance for his young impressionable pupils. He had been set up….they just wanted to get him off the boring biology chapter that was putting quite a few students to sleep.....and allowing others to engage in delicious daydreams of being at the beach. (This was Sarasota, Florida.)
"Mr. You-Might-Know-Who, if you don't believe in fighting of any kind, then what would you do if someone broke into your house, and started raping your wife?"
Mr. Y-M-K-W thought for not one Menno-second. His students souls were at stake. He had to leave a lasting, Mennonites-don't-fight-back impression!!! And ("God, please help me!") what would the principle and the board of trustees say, if this would get back to them!!!!! (And, by God (A-men!) it would!!!) It would hurtle through the ole Mennonite grapevine so fast that even God couldn't stop it!!!
“I would stand beside them and pray…..”
My hand shot up, I couldn’t help it….that wasn’t what my mom ever, ever told me to do!!!!
My mother, the indelible Audrey Metz (Frey, at the time) (you don’t mind me using your name, Mom, do you?.) was, and still is, an independent-thinking woman….she couldn’t help that….her father was a Mennonite preacher. She had been taught to lead a good orderly directed life, to stick to the principles. So she did….her own! (She was the first woman in our church to stop wearing a covering… know…the sin-sifter. The little netted cap or (ick!) the floral lace “covering” that showed the world, and especially your congregation that you, as a woman, were subservient to God and those of the male persuasion…..)
“Yes, Robin?” (did I detect a quiver in his voice? Did he know just then, (knowing my mother very well…Mennonite grapevine thing and all) that something radical and shocking would erupt out of my mouth????
“My mom told me that if that ever happened to me….I was supposed to KICK HIM RIGHT IN THE BALLS…RIGHT WHERE IT COUNTS!!!!!” (imagine being the teacher… this horrific postulation would come to your ears in slow-mo……from one of your students…from a supposed-to-be submissive female
Poor Mr. You-might-know-who…..the classroom reverberated with shouts, cheers, and laughter. He had been set up, again, and we were way off-subject….once again.
(was that the sound of the principle, with Mennonite trustees in tow, marching down the hall to the biology lab?)
Just realized what week-end this is…how appropriate!!! Happy Mothers’ Day, everyone!!! And Mom… rock!!!!!!


  1. Great story, Robin! Lucky you, growing up with your mother!

  2. Wow! I never know it was like that being a Mennonite. Presbyterians were just boring! What out Lisa Scottolini, because I think you could take over her Sunday column in the Philadelphia Inquirer with these stories! You should check her out. I can loan you one of her books with her short stories of life's crazy stuff. She's great!