Down in Harrisonburg Virginia....my mother got married in January, and they are having the celebration this week-end.
Harrisonburg....where I went to high school and college. Eastern Mennonite High School and College(now it's Eastern Mennonite University). It is always nice to visit here, lots of wonderful people,
However, I usually experience feelings of loss and sadness....people don't remember me, and if they do, I often wish that they did not, I wonder what they remember. I began my struggle with depression here, and feeling like I did not belong did not help alleviate those feelings. It was very hard to make meaningful connections at the college, I certainly did not help matters....I did not want to be there. I had always wanted to go to artschool, but my parents did not offer that as an option, and I was too afraid to venture out into the big bad non-Mennonite world alone. I remember a friend in college asking me why I didn't move to New York, and I could not imagine why anybody would want to do that.
Today I approached a woman at EMU about running a painting workshop, someone in the art department of course, and I did not get the feeling that she cared too much about who I was, or any workshop that I might have to offer. It just brought back all that stuff, and I didn't leave feeling any warm fuzzies...
She did show (or feign, perhaps?) some mild interest when I gave her my business card with this image of a painting that I had done, the one shown above.
Well, that's it for now....sorry if this sounds a little dreary.....my husband(Karl Staven) thinks that I should make films, that I have stories to tell....but I can't see my way around that without starting here.